Existential Diary Child

little-girl-writing1In the course of putting together this blog, I have reached back into my diaries for memories and to check my facts with the written record. I received my first diary the Christmas I was in fourth grade–1967–and I was a steady diary-keeper from that day forward, until 1982, when being in graduate school and in love took up all time I had. In looking back over my diaries, I have been struck by early signs that I was perhaps going to be an existentialist. Here are some entries from 1967-70. These are quoted verbatim and in their entirety; I’ve changed nothing.

“Dear Diary: I am fat. The Newmans are here. We have new night tables. My feeling is of utter defeat.”

“Dear Diary: I was sick today. Susie R. is getting married. I wish I were older.”

“Dear Diary: I am trying to learn how to dance. I am not very good.”

“Dear Diary: I feel that I’m going to be a writer but I should learn how to type.”

“Dear Diary: Susan started college today. I have my own room now. The wedding was nice but tainted with death.”

Dear Diary: I started school today. I am going to set my hair every day. I really like Sr. Colette but she makes me uneasy.”

“Dear Diary: Johnnie had a big accident with the car. I feel sorry for him. I also feel sorry for Susan because she never goes on any dates.”

“Dear Diary: Tonight is Christmas Eve and mom got a new desk. I guess mom’s happiness is more important than mine because she has had a hard life.”

“Dear Diary: Merry Christmas! Dad is a self important and mean person.”

“Dear Diary: I need to buy a purse, a hat and some sunglasses.”

“Dear Diary: Today was Mel’s birthday but no celebration. Mrs. Ross was hit by a car. I’m getting the Christmas spirit. My hair is dirty. I wish it would snow.”

“Dear Diary: Today was Thanksgiving. Mary Clare and Dona came. I remembered all the Thanksgivings on North Shore with Mary Clare, Fran, Dona and Denny. And Harriet. But I never knew who Harriet was.”

“Dear Diary: Right now the radio is playing Close Your Eyes by the Beatles. I remember singing this in the Goodnetter’s basement. We were so young!”

“Dear Diary: I was in a bad mood and Mel said I have a Persecution Complex. I don’t think he should say that to me because he is a dentist not a psychiatrist.”

“Dear Diary: Today I went to Mayfair with Diane and I fell in the drapery department and ripped my pants. I also called a waitress ‘waiter’ by accident.”

“Dear Diary: Today I had a fight with Susan and Mom got mad because I called Susan muscle-bound and she will be self-conscious now. She called me a smelly water buffalo and animalistic. I hate the world.”







Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s